It started in my early childhood. I have an ordinary family which is over-religious or something. My Mother isn't baptized, my step-father is an atheist, though he is baptized. Nevertheless, nobody defames religion in my family and nobody exalts it. When i was eight my sister was born, and for some reason our parents decided to baptize me and my two sisters. I'm telling you this to show that it was the moment when my family planted the seed of spirituality.
My Mother had friend. One time we came to her house. And she had so many interesting things, and there was a corner, where something resembling a toy house was standing. Not an ordinary one, because she treated it with peculiar attention and respect. She and my Mother were standing near the "house" and discussing matters i could not really comprehend, and so i came by and asked about the "house" and the little scrolls that were lying beside and inside of it. They explained to me, that on those scrolls wishes are written and if you want something you need to write one down, put it inside the "house", say certain prayers and the wish will come true.
I've never had the kind of wishes that i had to ask somebody for. I mean, I’ve always had a clear feeling, that i already have everything i need, or it's not the time yet. That is why i didn't make any wishes. Moreover it was not my "house", and i didn't have any. But still it was interesting, what spells they were saying. And my Mother said: "Yo heran ge kyo" Actually, it's just what I've remembered. And somehow this phrase came into my life, i was constantly repeating it: before sleep or fr om nothing to do. Then i was doing it seldom, but i haven't forgotten it. Only I didn't put any sense in it and didn't try find it. This phrase just lived with me the whole time. "Yo heran ge kyo","Yo heran ge kyo","Yo heran ge kyo".
About twenty years have passed since that. I've become more mature, finished school, college and university, tried to make a family, started working and I've worked for 8 years in a high position, lived a successful live, but... "Yo heran ge kyo". Nothing brought me happiness, constant sadness and the feeling, that everything that happens is shallow, doesn't have any purity or depth...Just a social self-realization. Deep inside, something was raising, something that needed a way out... something that cannot be described with words, something that hides in the silence after your speech or actions, though it is defined by your speech and actions, and at the same time it's our duty and it's being done without our consent, but because it's the way that it should be.
A year ago I understood that I cannot live like this. What's the point of living when waking up you dream about sleeping as soon as you can, when working you dream about going home as fast as possible, when started something you dream about finishing it as soon as you can? It should be noted, that I always loved philosophy and read a lot in this field. It was pleasant to catch the elusive in deep philosophical sayings and try to hold the feeling of knowledge of the well-hidden truth. Also i was keen on psychology. I was looking for the connection between person's behavior and his views. There was a definite understanding that everything is determined, that we can influence on what's happening, that we can change the reality. It's not as if i didn't believe in fate or star order and genes, no, I simply wanted to find prove, that everything is not so simple. A person's life cannot be only determined by fate, because if so, he wouldn't had any responsibility..."Yo heran ge kyo"
So let us return to the year before. Understanding about changing my life took form of two my passions (philosophy and psychology) combined into one - spiritual texts. So I've started attending Eastern psychology seminars and I've even completed two steps. We were singing mantras and studying the constitution of a spiritual body, were talking about donating and serving and also were trying to stop the mind flow. And during one of the seminars our host said word "vipassana" and told us a bit about it, that it's a practice of keeping silent for a long time. He just said this in passing and didn't say where he practiced it and how. But I realized that this is what i need to understand what's happening deep inside my soul.
New Year holidays were approaching and having known that i had no interesting in drinking and wasting time for the next ten days, I've decided to find this mysterious retreat - Vipassana. I asked the Net a straight question, it gave me the straight answer: «Retreat vipassana «Immersion into silence», club oum.ru, 10 days fr om 1st to 10th of January. To be honest, I didn't know what to do, i just filed an application and on the 31st of December I was sitting on my mat at cultural center "Aura” among strangers, but strangers that didn't make me feel uneasy or distrustful. Everything was as it should have been; i was there where i should have been. No happiness, no sadness, only serenity. "Yo heran ge kyo"
And on the 1st of January I started practicing, which wasn't easy, but it's not the case here. Though participants were silent, Andrey Verba was telling us about practices, why they are important and what we were really doing. In other words he was talking about Karma, reincarnation, askesa. I was sitting, listening, and deep inside i was like "Finally!" It's not only me who thinks like that. That everything is connected, and it's just us, who have created everything. Finally an adequate person... and if everybody who’s here thinks the same way, it's just unbelievable! Everything started to puzzle out, and it seemed that Andrey structured this mess in my head, which was sitting there for so many years. Naturally, when left "Aura" after the retreat, I started to learn more about what Andrey and other people fr om oum.ru say, went to their yoga classes and helped out the club.
After several months I quit my job, took courses to become a yoga teacher. Then I moved to a smaller town, started visiting places of force. I was learning more about Buddhism as well as the biographies of realized people. During lectures Andrey often mentions The Lotos Sutra: and he says that it's a writing of great importance, and how essential it is to read and understand the message. He also mentions, that not everybody can handle it and not everybody has Karma to even hear the name of this writing. Naturally, I instantly wished to study it. When I bought it and started reading it, nothing made contradictions or feelings of rejection. You need only to concentrate and detach yourself, to plunge into it and in time the sutra will blossom and open. "Yo heran ge kyo"
Not long ago oum.ru republished «Saddharma pundarika sutra» or "The Lotus Sutra". It happened that the others and me were talking part in preparing this writing to be published, fr om the very beginning to the publication itself. I read it 3 times. I did with joy and gratitude for this opportunity.
But to be honest, I was wondering how it all happened in my life, why I was worthy for such mercy. And before the sending the writing for print, when I was reading the introduction and commentaries to the Sutra, the answer came: "For the monks and citizens of school Nitren, which was found in XIII c., the most important deed was praising the name of Sutra, which sounded like this: "Namu Myo:ho: range kyo!" which meant "Hail to The Lotus Sutra!" During that moment I could see my whole life passing in a flash, everything became so clear and meaningful, like i was being prepared for what I have now, for Dharma - the essence of my existence.
My whole life I was unconsciously praising this supreme Teaching, and I guess these words defined my life: to wh ere I am now, wh ere I could fulfill my soul's desire. It's like I was reminding myself wh ere I should be, wh ere's my place and to what should I dedicate my life.
Now, you know this magic phrase as well, and maybe it will find it's reflection in your life, or maybe 20 years later somebody's matured child will write an article about the word's influence upon the reality... feeling that he's doing the right thing.
"If (somebody) in approaching centuries will embrace and save this Sutra, read (it) to oneself, read like one sings, this person won't have any attachment to clothes, bed, water and food, to everything that make you exist. Everything, that (this one) desires - isn't shallow, and in this life (one) will attain happiness"
Saddharma pundarika sutra
Hail to Tathagatas!